I held my heartbreak against myself.

It was a hard year for me.
I walked through harassment,
and was asked to understand that it was normal,
that it was nothing.

I, who had always felt like I hurt others,
finally built a belief so deep inside me,
that I was a bad person, that I didn't matter.

So, I tried again. I tried to love again.
I tried to prove to myself that I was good enough.

I believed my worth was tied to
how much I was loved,
and how well I could love in return.

I became afraid of being
the bad person I feared I was,
and so I gave in.
I nodded, I accepted.

I lost my boundaries.
Especially with myself.

I fell into the same cycle.
The need to be loved,
and the fear of being abandoned.

I was dependent,
and at the same time,
shutting myself down.