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I'm starting to wonder if not knowing you anymore was ever the right way.

I've kept my eyes from chasing your name,
taught my hands not to reach 
for any trace of you.

I thought I'd drawn the line. 
Thought this might work.

I tried to finish the feelings, patiently. 
Sometimes still letting them stop by
as if they might leave on their own. 

I thought I could.
I thought I'd grown.

Then I saw you.
Not on purpose. 
Not in any way I could prepare for.

And just like that,
you tore through every wall
I've been rebuilding. 

Hole after hole.
Until there was no wall at all.

So what now?
The gap cuts again.

And God,
I miss you so much,
in a way that makes me unsure
I could survive this twice. 

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